I still don’t understand my husband

by Deb McCormick on March 29, 2012

in Humor Essays, Marriage, MISC

Today is my anniversary.  9 Years ago I married “the husband”. We spent our anniversary working on the pasture and finishing up the water and electricity project. We now have water at the feeding shed. Yippee

But this project did not go off without a hitch. For some reason “husband” and I could not get on the same page with good communication skills. For example, he tells me the vehicle needs to be moved off the driveway so he can freely back up the tractor. No problem – I grab the keys and jump in. He then tells me the best way would be to pull forward and drive through the grass, then circle around to the front. He is really bad about saying things like “See that fence post over at the edge of the fence?” Then I’m left trying to figure out what edge. There are at least 3 edges in the area he just motioned towards. And I’ll say “where?” He’ll say “Over there”. It is really quite frustrating sometimes.

And like today. He was telling me to make sure I swing wide when driving through the yard to avoid driving over the septic lines. He said “you want to pull forward, swing wide and drive up between those two trees.”  Here is the view of the two trees he pointed over at.

Our conversation:

him: Make sure you swing wide to avoid the septic lines and then drive up through those two over there and then park up the drive way over in the grass.

me: Um…OK.

him: Do you want me to do it?

me: no no, I’ll do it.

him: swing wide!

me: OK.

……………

him: You just did everything I told you not to do.

me: What?!?

him: You just drove right over the septic lines.

me: you told me to swing wide and I did! I drove up along the outside of the trees but I am not going to drive on Jerry’s land!

him: That is not Jerry’s land.

me: Yes it is! Because those two trees at the edge are the ones you planted so you could remember where our land stopped and his began.

him: No – I did not plant them on the line.

me: yes you did. You told me a long time ago you did.

him: No I didn’t. I staggered them. The first one is a foot off the line and the second one is even farther off the line.

me: silent…but oh how I am thinking stuff.

___________

second conversation

him: I’m going to hook the digger to the tractor and pull it while it’s running. I need you to hold the handle down on the digger to keep it running as I back up the tractor and pull it back.

me: OK

him: make sure you don’t let go of the handle. If it starts jumping and you hit roots you can shift this gear forward. Or you could just let go of this lever here.

me: I’m so confused.

him: would you rather drive the tractor and let me guide the digger?

me: yes I think I’ll drive the tractor.

him: OK. Now when you back up the tractor don’t go fast. I want to make sure you are pulling the digger slowly and there is always slack on the chain.

me: Ummmm, slack on the chain? How can you pull something if there is still slack?

him: sigh.

me: Let me do the digger. All I have to do is just hold the handle down so it won’t cut off, right?

him: OK

( so he is on the tractor – I am holding the massive chomping digger and the decibel level has to be about 500. Then I hear him yelling something over all the noise.)

him: WA CALUMPH  NA WHEH YAAAH?

me: ……….WHAT?!?

him: DONICKA NA KALIFA YAAAH?

me: WHAT?!?!?!?

(He cuts off the tractor, hops down and walks over to me.)

him: I was asking you if the digger was staying even as it was digging the hole.

me: DONICKA NA KALIFA? DONICKA NA KALIFA? seriously?!?

(He is silent and just walks back to the tractor.)

But I’m sure he is ‘thinking stuff’. Because I am SO ‘thinking stuff’ right now.

Happy anniversary honey! I love you.

P.S. Be nice to me or I’ll blog about you.

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Magical Mystical Mimi March 30, 2012 at 11:12 am

Hahahaha! And aw.. :( Working that hard on your anniversary.. And why do men insist on asking questions when there is loud machinery being used??? Only men understand one another in those situations! And the whole directions/instructions thing! Omg.. “Rainman” does the same thing!! “Just park over there next to the tree..” Yeah well there’s about 8 trees, which one?? “The birch.” Hhhmm, that narrows it down, they’re all flippin’ birch! Ugh..
Happy Anniversary 1 day late. :)
Still lovin’ your blog.

Reply

Deb March 30, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I know! It’s just like the dentist asking questions when your mouth propped open and full of cotton pads. hahahaha
I love your nickname for your husband, by the way. ‘Rainman’ is so funny.

Reply

Sandy March 30, 2012 at 12:07 pm

When my husband starts giving me directions that way, I stop and stare at him as if to say “Really? Keep it up and I’m outta here!” He sees this look and immediately shuts up. We’ve been married 20 years.

Happy Anniversary and many more to come!

Reply

Deb March 30, 2012 at 2:07 pm

mine doesn’t stop when i give him “the look”. I don’t quite have him trained yet.

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Ruth March 30, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Happy anniversary!
After 16 years together, my husband has FINALLY learned if he wants me to keep helping him he better not get mad at how I do things.
I don’t get the not driving over the septic lines. Aren’t they underground? Or is it because they are new and the ground might shift?

Reply

Deb March 30, 2012 at 2:06 pm

hahahahhaha – EXACTLY! They are underground so I don’t get it either. And no – they are not new lines.

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Kimberlee March 31, 2012 at 10:45 am

Based on your picture I totally knew what two trees he was talking about. It was obvious. :)

Hope the ditch digging in going well.

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Essential Mama Baby (@EMamaBaby) March 31, 2012 at 10:48 am

9 years today http://t.co/xpeRdkuF via @MsMcMadness

Reply

Candice Moretti (@TheNewModernMom) March 31, 2012 at 11:33 am

9 years today http://t.co/kHgQw6ZA via @MsMcMadness

Reply

Crazed in the Kitchen March 31, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Lol! I spend a lot of time “thinking stuff.” Glad I’m not the only one!

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Deb April 1, 2012 at 11:01 am

oh no you are not the only one, that is for certain. I guess it’s better to think it than say it, sometimes. lol

Reply

Molly Thiersch (@CrazedKitchen) March 31, 2012 at 1:57 pm

9 years today http://t.co/JgsKdSxP via @MsMcMadness

Reply

Epic Mom (@1EpicMom) March 31, 2012 at 6:27 pm

9 years today http://t.co/IxkWGXje via @MsMcMadness

Reply

Crystal (@spoiledmuch) March 31, 2012 at 9:08 pm

9 years today http://t.co/iV8Gn9BC via @MsMcMadness

Reply

(@MommyLaDyClub) (@MommyLaDyClub) April 1, 2012 at 7:02 am

9 years today http://t.co/7MXlAg7L via @MsMcMadness

Reply

Runnermom-jen April 1, 2012 at 9:30 am

Hahahaha!!! Happy Anniversary to you and your husband :)

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Deb April 1, 2012 at 11:00 am

thanks Jen!

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R.S. Emeline (@RSEMELINE) April 1, 2012 at 8:20 pm

9 years today http://t.co/AND3w2Gj via @MsMcMadness

Reply

Edward Staples Jr. (@FatherEd1) April 2, 2012 at 6:52 am

9 years today http://t.co/GYCyG2ph via @MsMcMadness

Reply

Lakeisha August 7, 2014 at 8:34 am

Okay I’m condnicev. Let’s put it to action.

Reply

Shiloh Stone (@evrydaygameplan) April 2, 2012 at 7:11 am

9 years today http://t.co/K6wZQwfi via @MsMcMadness

Reply

(@KennyBodanis) (@KennyBodanis) April 2, 2012 at 6:31 pm

9 years today http://t.co/kGAvP1FD via @MsMcMadness

Reply

Nicole (@MamaScientist) April 3, 2012 at 12:40 am

9 years today http://t.co/0N8cpXMB via @MsMcMadness

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