Run Monkey RUN!!

by Deb McCormick on July 6, 2012

in Humor Essays, musings from my somewhat sane mind

Y’all! We have a missing monkey in our area. This monkey escaped a “holding facility” from Wake Forest Baptist Medical Facility. Holding facility. That’s a nice word for CAGE, isn’t it?  Her “job” was to produce offspring for research projects. Geeze Loueeze, isn’t it bad enough to be locked up but then have to produce baby after baby?? No wonder she escaped.

The hunt has gone on for two days and they haven’t been able to capture her even with a tranquilizer gun and luring her with fruit so they can trap her. She is a 16 year old monkey from Indonesia and has been in captivity since 2008. She is part of a breeding colony to supply monkeys for research projects.

It is stated that it was a freak accident that she escaped during the cleaning process. She made it through the first parameter then hit a latch on the fence she was climbing which happened to open the gate.

Freak accident? I’m thinking not. I think she knew exactly what she was doing.

I know there is a valid reason for animal research. I know it saves lives. I realize why we do the things we do. But my free spirit is chanting:

“RUNnnnnnnn MONKEYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy RUNnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn”, with tears streaming down my face, 

Feel the breeze on your face, little money!” sob

“Jump! Jump high in the air!” sob

“Jump and swing on the trees! Feel the coolness of night on your shoulders.” Whahhhaa haa haaaaa.

“Feel the sunshine on your head. Run! Run! Run Little monkey!” blubbering snotty sob

Experts say she does well in hot temperatures and knows how to forage for food. I say we just leave her be. If she shows up at my house I’m going to toss her an apple and say God speed little one. (sob) God speed.

 

Open letter from the monkey to the men trying to catch her.

HA HA suckers! You think you’re so smart. Whatdiya think I was doing all those times you cleaned my cage and thought I wasn’t paying attention? You give me a banana to keep me occupied but you should know I ate your stupid banana and called you names like fatty fatty two by four…and B.O Baldy.

Me and the other monkeys had a great time telling yo mama’s so fat jokes.  But you didn’t hear us because you can’t SPEAK MONKEY. HA! Who’s the smartest now? I can speak two languages and figure out how to open the gate. LOSER.

Now I’m freeeeeeee! And a tranquilizer gun? Seriously? That. makes. me. laugh! You think I can’t see you? DO YOU THINK I CAN’T SEE YOU?!? And those stupid little traps you are setting up with the fruit inside that you think will make me come over and crawl inside like an idiot. And putting a banana in it?  What, you think because I’m a monkey I like bananas? That’s racist.  Pleeeease, I’m from Indonesia, dang it. I sit high up in my tree holding the berries I just foraged, watching you and laughing at your silliness. It’s a great show and it makes me not miss TV at all. So I guess I should thank you. Fatty.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

7-8-12 – UPDATE: Just learned Monkey has opened up her own Twitter account. https://twitter.com/WFMonkey

 

{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }

(@MsMcMadness) (@MsMcMadness) July 6, 2012 at 4:47 pm

New Blog Post~~ Run Monkey RUN!! http://t.co/t21oMmEt

Reply

(@ChrstianSuprMom) (@ChrstianSuprMom) July 6, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Run Monkey RUN!! http://t.co/x4cJebSH via @MsMcMadness

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Chris at Hye Thyme Cafe July 6, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Ha! In reading that, my first thought was that Leo was hiding her out somewhere. Since Leo is home, that makes one monkey accounted for. Hoping for the safe return (or adoption) of the other! :(

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Debbie McCormick July 26, 2012 at 11:14 am

Yes I guess that would be a first thought hahahaha

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(@TheNewModernMom) (@TheNewModernMom) July 6, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Run Monkey RUN!! http://t.co/lrponURi via @MsMcMadness

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(@HBHandmadeLife) (@HBHandmadeLife) July 6, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Run Monkey RUN!! http://t.co/C8ngVXQG via @MsMcMadness

Reply

(@MommyLaDyClub) (@MommyLaDyClub) July 7, 2012 at 3:35 am

Run Monkey RUN!! http://t.co/oECl4Ux3 via @MsMcMadness

Reply

(@lhcasey) (@lhcasey) July 7, 2012 at 11:09 am

Run Monkey RUN!! http://t.co/uRPx5IZw via @MsMcMadness

Reply

(@SarahSimplyMe) (@SarahSimplyMe) July 7, 2012 at 11:46 am

Run Monkey RUN!! http://t.co/a9sobUmj via @MsMcMadness

Reply

Aleisha July 7, 2012 at 2:34 pm

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!!!!! SO, SO FUNNY!! Seriously Deb, I laughed so hard as I read this post that I MAY have tinkled a bit in my pants. (I say MAY because I’m not quite ready to confirm it publicly!) My goodness, my kids are acting like monkeys right now. Literally climbing all over me as I type this. Time to get back to the madness. Thanks for making me laugh today!

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Debbie McCormick July 26, 2012 at 11:14 am

I’m glad you liked it! :)

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(@blockmomnc) (@blockmomnc) July 7, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Run Monkey RUN!! http://t.co/7sh45bb0 via @MsMcMadness

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(@DKLblog) (@DKLblog) July 7, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Run Monkey RUN!! http://t.co/fPlB5uTf via @MsMcMadness

Reply

justkeepinitrealfolks July 7, 2012 at 5:13 pm

I was just at the Duke Lemur facility seeing all those cute little Lemurs. Perhaps the missing monkey found its way to Durham and hooked up with a ringed tail Lemur and a new species of primates will be born next year.

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Debbie McCormick July 26, 2012 at 11:15 am

Now that would be awesome!

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(@MotherhoodLooms) (@MotherhoodLooms) July 7, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Run Monkey RUN!! http://t.co/dMMvic3q via @MsMcMadness

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(@LifebyCynthia) (@LifebyCynthia) July 7, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Run Monkey RUN!! http://t.co/SjLHDnX1 via @MsMcMadness

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(@MsTaylorGilmore) (@MsTaylorGilmore) July 7, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Run Monkey RUN!! http://t.co/raWYg4q8 via @MsMcMadness

Reply

(@MsMcMadness) (@MsMcMadness) July 8, 2012 at 12:32 am

@WFMonkey I wrote a blog post all about you. Run Monkey RUN! http://t.co/ZZlG2fnm

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Rosalind Smih-Nazilli July 10, 2012 at 5:35 am

Lol… Made me smile..xx

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bridgetstraub.com July 10, 2012 at 11:55 am

she’s probably taken the tranquillizer dart, found a comfy tree and is just grateful for the nap! That breeding is tireing.

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Deb July 16, 2012 at 11:50 am

hahahahahahaha – funny!

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Jessica July 10, 2012 at 12:09 pm

I loved it the first time I read it, I loved it even more this second time! You are, hands down, one of my favorite bloggers!!

-Jessica
{Sugar in My Grits}

Reply

MariaAna July 10, 2012 at 8:53 pm

@ Jessica yeah hands down right? and raise the ceiling.. Love it too!

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Deb July 16, 2012 at 11:49 am

thanks Jessica – you made my day!

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Brooke Arellano July 10, 2012 at 8:09 pm

HAHA so cute!! I’m stopping by from the Tuesday Archive Link UP and am now a new follower:) Would love if you could follow back when you get a chance;)

http://crazy-mama-drama.blogspot.com/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Crazy-Mama-Drama/259491484156846

Reply

MariaAna July 10, 2012 at 8:52 pm

HA HA HA omg! this really made my morning great! I SO TOTALLY AGREE with you little monkey.. so lame that we human can’t speak the monkey language. too bad! we learn french, german, chinese, etc. but the most impt one is the monkey language. ! hahahaha

great one here!!

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Deb July 16, 2012 at 11:49 am

thank you! :)

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Dariel Raye July 11, 2012 at 5:38 am

Makes me think of “Planet of the Apes.” Like you, I understand why we do some of the things we do, but it saddens me that we’re not intelligent or compassionate enough to find better ways. Yeah, Ruuunnn, monkey, ruuunnn!!

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Deb July 12, 2012 at 12:34 pm

agree 100%

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Deb July 16, 2012 at 11:48 am

agreed!

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marquita herald July 11, 2012 at 10:39 am

Ha! Love your letter from the monkey – whatever happens I hope it turns out well for that little guy.

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Debbie McCormick July 26, 2012 at 11:16 am

he was caught! boohoohoo :(

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