Run Monkey RUN!!

by Deb McCormick on July 6, 2012

in Humor Essays, musings from my somewhat sane mind

Y’all! We have a missing monkey in our area. This monkey escaped a “holding facility” from Wake Forest Baptist Medical Facility. Holding facility. That’s a nice word for CAGE, isn’t it?  Her “job” was to produce offspring for research projects. Geeze Loueeze, isn’t it bad enough to be locked up but then have to produce baby after baby?? No wonder she escaped.

The hunt has gone on for two days and they haven’t been able to capture her even with a tranquilizer gun and luring her with fruit so they can trap her. She is a 16 year old monkey from Indonesia and has been in captivity since 2008. She is part of a breeding colony to supply monkeys for research projects.

It is stated that it was a freak accident that she escaped during the cleaning process. She made it through the first parameter then hit a latch on the fence she was climbing which happened to open the gate.

Freak accident? I’m thinking not. I think she knew exactly what she was doing.

I know there is a valid reason for animal research. I know it saves lives. I realize why we do the things we do. But my free spirit is chanting:

“RUNnnnnnnn MONKEYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy RUNnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn”, with tears streaming down my face, 

Feel the breeze on your face, little money!” sob

“Jump! Jump high in the air!” sob

“Jump and swing on the trees! Feel the coolness of night on your shoulders.” Whahhhaa haa haaaaa.

“Feel the sunshine on your head. Run! Run! Run Little monkey!” blubbering snotty sob

Experts say she does well in hot temperatures and knows how to forage for food. I say we just leave her be. If she shows up at my house I’m going to toss her an apple and say God speed little one. (sob) God speed.

 

Open letter from the monkey to the men trying to catch her.

HA HA suckers! You think you’re so smart. Whatdiya think I was doing all those times you cleaned my cage and thought I wasn’t paying attention? You give me a banana to keep me occupied but you should know I ate your stupid banana and called you names like fatty fatty two by four…and B.O Baldy.

Me and the other monkeys had a great time telling yo mama’s so fat jokes.  But you didn’t hear us because you can’t SPEAK MONKEY. HA! Who’s the smartest now? I can speak two languages and figure out how to open the gate. LOSER.

Now I’m freeeeeeee! And a tranquilizer gun? Seriously? That. makes. me. laugh! You think I can’t see you? DO YOU THINK I CAN’T SEE YOU?!? And those stupid little traps you are setting up with the fruit inside that you think will make me come over and crawl inside like an idiot. And putting a banana in it?  What, you think because I’m a monkey I like bananas? That’s racist.  Pleeeease, I’m from Indonesia, dang it. I sit high up in my tree holding the berries I just foraged, watching you and laughing at your silliness. It’s a great show and it makes me not miss TV at all. So I guess I should thank you. Fatty.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

7-8-12 – UPDATE: Just learned Monkey has opened up her own Twitter account. https://twitter.com/WFMonkey

 

{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

{ 1 trackback }

Previous post:

Next post: